When I was 19 I...

Since I've movied into my parents house, I've decided that I have way too much stuff in my life, and that it is weighing me down, so I have started going through everything and throwing some of it out, designating some of it for a garage sale and just sorting out what I really need to bring everywhere with me ad what can be stored for a while.

While I've been looking through my stuff, I found a journal of mine from when I was 19, and I just found it interesting a lot of the stuff that I wrote that is still a struggle for me, and to see the areas where I have really changed. My writing also contains some rather cheesy poetry, and I thought that I would post it here for your edificatio n and amusement.

9/29- What do I want to do with my life, not conceptually, but actually- what do I want to do:

1. Climb a mountain
2. See the Aurora Borealis
3. Live in a primitive cabin for a time
4. Go backpacking for an extended time in the wilderness
5. See a Broadway Play on Broadway
6. Go to Europe
7. Go to Scotland
8. Ge married
9. Write a book
10. Go to Jerusalem
11. Learn Greek
12. Cruise the Inner-Coastal Highway
13. Go scuba diving
14. Go to the Bahamas
15. Learn photography
16. Paint a mural
17. swim under a waterfall
18. Go around the world
19. Go on a cruise
20. Become proficient at arts and crafts of some sort
21. Visti all 50 states
22. Adopt a child
23. Do something truly spontaneous
24. Go on an international mission trip
25. Do something patriotic
26. Bring hope to someone hopeless
27. Own a cat, dog, fish, bird, hamster, lizard
28. Fly a plane
29. Learn to waltz and tango and swing dance

*Note- some of these I have done now (yay for me!) some I don't really feel as passionte about anymore, and others are little embarrasing that they are listed as life goals. And, of course, now I have some new ones to add too, but that is for another post.

Poetry

The newspapers
magazines and TV
tell me what I need
to be in this world- the
proverbial "Cover Girl"
All glamour and glitz and
cosmetic surgery.
Where is the place for me
to be who God wants me to be?
The woman of Proverbs
not of MTV.
Each day I sell myself for
far less
than my "Greater Than" price,
selling for a compliment what
it took Pure Blood to buy.
I strive and I beg for
someone to notice me, while
ignoring the All Knowing
because I'm afriad that
He knows the real me.


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
10/26

What if I'm not worth
the price that He paid?
What if I fail Him again?
70 times seven is looking
pretty close.


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

God, I want to be a genius
To have the masses
stand in awe.
For just one standing ovation
For my chance to shine.
I'm hungry for life
I'm hungry for love
Hungry enough to sell your love,
like Esau
For one simple meal.
But thats not good enough for You
You gave too much for me
to pay You back with
distaste and despise the place You
have prepared for me.
I think of too much to learn
Too many people to fail.
The path of my life is too rough a trail.
Then I remember Your quiet waters-
And that I'm never alone,
You will guide me and
carry me to my one true Home.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I'm up late once again
Waiting for revelation to strike
Hoping for Browning,
my- "Sonnets From the Portuguese."
Mourning my lack of talent.
I have nothing to reveal.
I have nothing original.
Nothing ME.
Where have I been?
Is there really nothing to say?
Observation may bring wisdom, and yet I still
have nothing to say.
No hard earned truth to reveal.
No secrets to change your life.
And yet sleep does not come- only meaningless rhymes.
I make no sense and still I write
I cannot seem to stop, for this is my life,
and if I stop the what has been the point-
of all my pensive stares,
my search to learn from others mistakes?
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"Rocky Soil" Mark 4:3-25

My brother was stolen from
Darkness
Pulled into the light by the love of a girl
Who had no use for a former
Bad Boy
Now seeking a meaning and purpose
To be worthy of her love- worthy of His love.
Quick blooming- quick fading
an "ashes to ashes" faith
By spring like her it was gone.
I should have dug him in
Nestled in the fertile ground of You,
Now I know with 20/20 truth
All of the should have dones,
to secure this newborn fruit,
from dying while
being Born Again.