My Parents Secret Lives as International Terrorists
My parents made a recent trip to Maine by way of Canada, and on their way, they almost weren't let into Canada or out of it. When they came to the border, they were asked the three usual questions:
1-What is your name? ........Fre- um... Alfred Henderson
2- Where do you live? .........Kala-.........Mattawan, Michigan
3- What is your job? .........Policema- .....Firefighter
The Public Safety Officers for Kalamazoo are advised to tell the border patrol that they are firefighters instead of Police officers because if they say police, their car will definelty be searched. However, because he paused on each of the questions, their car- down to the suitcases, was searched thouroughly. When they finally cam to the border to re-enter the US, they practiced on the 2 hour wait on the bridge as to what my father should say. Sadly, all of this practice was wasted when they were told to pull through and drive on and set off a "Gamma Ray Alert!" a siren blared, their IDs were confiscated and they were shuttled into a windowless room made complete by signs warning of Body and Strip Searches. Finally, it was explained that they had set off the warning system for radioactive material, that is in place to guard against people smuggling dirty bombs into the country. After several more hours of waiting, they were told to drive through what amounted to a giant, truck-mounted X-Ray machine, and told that if they turned too quickly as they went through and clipped the corner, it would cost them $90,000. Needless to say, they had no dirty bomb, and it turned out that what had really happened was that the people behind them had pulled forward too quickly, and they had recently undergone medical tests that had involved radiation, such as a barium enema.
Probably the funniest part of the whole situation is imagining them sitting tehre- my dad trying to be proper and professional while secretly trying to explain to his seargent why there is a federal investigation about him, and comfort my mom at the same time, who is worrying about being put into a jail cell or some other claustriphobic horror. I had wished that I had been on the trip with them when they left, but I think that I am getting much more enjoyment out of the situation from this end than I would if I had been with them.
My parents made a recent trip to Maine by way of Canada, and on their way, they almost weren't let into Canada or out of it. When they came to the border, they were asked the three usual questions:
1-What is your name? ........Fre- um... Alfred Henderson
2- Where do you live? .........Kala-.........Mattawan, Michigan
3- What is your job? .........Policema- .....Firefighter
The Public Safety Officers for Kalamazoo are advised to tell the border patrol that they are firefighters instead of Police officers because if they say police, their car will definelty be searched. However, because he paused on each of the questions, their car- down to the suitcases, was searched thouroughly. When they finally cam to the border to re-enter the US, they practiced on the 2 hour wait on the bridge as to what my father should say. Sadly, all of this practice was wasted when they were told to pull through and drive on and set off a "Gamma Ray Alert!" a siren blared, their IDs were confiscated and they were shuttled into a windowless room made complete by signs warning of Body and Strip Searches. Finally, it was explained that they had set off the warning system for radioactive material, that is in place to guard against people smuggling dirty bombs into the country. After several more hours of waiting, they were told to drive through what amounted to a giant, truck-mounted X-Ray machine, and told that if they turned too quickly as they went through and clipped the corner, it would cost them $90,000. Needless to say, they had no dirty bomb, and it turned out that what had really happened was that the people behind them had pulled forward too quickly, and they had recently undergone medical tests that had involved radiation, such as a barium enema.
Probably the funniest part of the whole situation is imagining them sitting tehre- my dad trying to be proper and professional while secretly trying to explain to his seargent why there is a federal investigation about him, and comfort my mom at the same time, who is worrying about being put into a jail cell or some other claustriphobic horror. I had wished that I had been on the trip with them when they left, but I think that I am getting much more enjoyment out of the situation from this end than I would if I had been with them.
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