Rememberance
Today is a dy of rememberance, both for the 9/11 attacks, and for the victims of the Katrina Hurricane. I haven't said anything about this before, mostly because I felt like the images coming back from the south were too profound for me to add to what has happened. Also, things have been so confused down there, that no one comment from me could possibly sum it up or do justice to it.
Tonight I made the mistake, or the good decision to watch the show on Discovery that discussed the acts of the people on Flight 93. When I flipped the channel and saw that it was on, I immediately began sobbing at the loss and also at the feelings of joy that the family members of the people on the flight expressed that their loved ones died so that others might live, and to protect a place as vital as the Capitol Building to our nation. There is also a large group of people that are trying to create a National Memorial for flight 93. As I sat there the words that Lincoln spoke at the Gettysburg Address ran through my head:
"We are met on a great battle-field of that war. We have come to dedicate a portion of that field, as a final resting place for those who here gave their lives that that nation might live. It is altogether fitting and proper that we should do this.
But, in a larger sense, we can not dedicate -- we can not consecrate -- we can not hallow -- this ground. The brave men... who struggled here, have consecrated it, far above our poor power to add or detract. "
There is so much pain in the world right now, so many hurting people reaching out for help, and- in reaction to their pain- to hurt others. Why is it that so often in our search to rid ourselves of pain that we often become guilty of the very thing we are wounded by? "Live by the sword, die by the sword" I guess. Still this is wholly unsatisfying to me. I think the pain of others is especially poignant to me right now because with the one-year birthday of the River Satan (or Stan, as Stacie and I have nicknamed him) has been coming against just about everyone in dreadful and desperate ways. We are on the verge of so much greatness, and I think that we can really see a greater vision of what God's plan is for us as a church. Now that we have a past to connect us, we can really look to the future with renewed purpose. There is no longer any part of the year that we are inexperienced with. Soon the "second annual" whatevers will begin, and Stan is so deviously trying to pollute all of the good that is happening.
I think that this is the way that Stan works, this decepetion of the good for the bad, this this bleeding in of destruction into our hopes and dreams. I know that right now in my own life, like the family of the passengers of Flight 93 my sorrow is interwoven with my joy. I am having one of the greatest times of personal growth of my life, but at the same time, I have the greatest sorrow in my heart that I have ever known. Maybe this is really just part of living more, I don't think that I could come alive to life the way that I am and be able to ask for only the greater joy, for that is not really living. I could most assuredly ask for some of the difficult and sad circumstances surrounding my life right now to be altered, and I could wish that absolutely everything in my life wouldn't be in a time of transition, though it is teaching me to live boldly and to not be so afraid of change as I usually am.
At several people's recommendation I have bought the book, "The Barbarian Way." It speaks about the need to get away from the confines of civilization and the box that our fears and our taking on of concerns for the world have put on us. And I am so guilty of this, its like I think that I can control a situation by worrying about it, or that I will suddenly discover some grand solution to whatever problem is pleaguing me. I need to reconcile myself that only God can solve the difficult things that happen to us, and that worrying accomplishes nothing. And quite honestly, sometimes there is no solution. Not that God can't work miracles, but sometimes the solution that in the end is best is for us to walk through the pain, and by leaning on Him we can come out the other side stronger.
Another book that I'm in the midst of is, "The Primal Wound," a book about adoption by Nancy Newton Verrier said something about this idea of unsatisfying solutions that really struck me, "Because the solutions may not be simple, ideal, or without sacrifice, I anticipate a great deal of resistance to the ideas...." and thats what I really want, I want to be able to say something to my friends who come to me with tears in their eyes because of something that has happened to them, I want to have some simple words of wisdom and comfort for people that I know who are running away from their pain, but at the same time fleeing from really living, some action that will be able to heal past wounds that are rubbed raw with remeberance, but I can't and it breaks my heart.
My father says that I need to grow stronger, to harden my heart so that the things that happen to others and that they do to me won't hurt me as much, and that I just have to reconcile myself to the pain and that people will continually hurt each other. But I can't learn to accept this! He says that all that I can do is to try to be the best person possible and to not be guilty of letting my own pain cause me to hurt others and be there for my friends when they are in pain, but how can that be all? This is not to be tolerated! I refuse to let myself be reconciled to this- I will not live with this incapacitating comprimise! People who I've mentioned this to have laughed at me, they say "when you discover what more you can do, the you let me know, because I'd love to do it too." They also say that working with the youth is a step in the right direction, helping further generations and showing them love, but so often I feel like I'm bailing out the Titanic with a spoon in my efforts to rid them of this influx of poisoned water into their lives. People also say that I can do this with my writing, but my restless heart wants more. Maybe it really is what I was saying before, there are no easy solutions.
Today is a dy of rememberance, both for the 9/11 attacks, and for the victims of the Katrina Hurricane. I haven't said anything about this before, mostly because I felt like the images coming back from the south were too profound for me to add to what has happened. Also, things have been so confused down there, that no one comment from me could possibly sum it up or do justice to it.
Tonight I made the mistake, or the good decision to watch the show on Discovery that discussed the acts of the people on Flight 93. When I flipped the channel and saw that it was on, I immediately began sobbing at the loss and also at the feelings of joy that the family members of the people on the flight expressed that their loved ones died so that others might live, and to protect a place as vital as the Capitol Building to our nation. There is also a large group of people that are trying to create a National Memorial for flight 93. As I sat there the words that Lincoln spoke at the Gettysburg Address ran through my head:
"We are met on a great battle-field of that war. We have come to dedicate a portion of that field, as a final resting place for those who here gave their lives that that nation might live. It is altogether fitting and proper that we should do this.
But, in a larger sense, we can not dedicate -- we can not consecrate -- we can not hallow -- this ground. The brave men... who struggled here, have consecrated it, far above our poor power to add or detract. "
There is so much pain in the world right now, so many hurting people reaching out for help, and- in reaction to their pain- to hurt others. Why is it that so often in our search to rid ourselves of pain that we often become guilty of the very thing we are wounded by? "Live by the sword, die by the sword" I guess. Still this is wholly unsatisfying to me. I think the pain of others is especially poignant to me right now because with the one-year birthday of the River Satan (or Stan, as Stacie and I have nicknamed him) has been coming against just about everyone in dreadful and desperate ways. We are on the verge of so much greatness, and I think that we can really see a greater vision of what God's plan is for us as a church. Now that we have a past to connect us, we can really look to the future with renewed purpose. There is no longer any part of the year that we are inexperienced with. Soon the "second annual" whatevers will begin, and Stan is so deviously trying to pollute all of the good that is happening.
I think that this is the way that Stan works, this decepetion of the good for the bad, this this bleeding in of destruction into our hopes and dreams. I know that right now in my own life, like the family of the passengers of Flight 93 my sorrow is interwoven with my joy. I am having one of the greatest times of personal growth of my life, but at the same time, I have the greatest sorrow in my heart that I have ever known. Maybe this is really just part of living more, I don't think that I could come alive to life the way that I am and be able to ask for only the greater joy, for that is not really living. I could most assuredly ask for some of the difficult and sad circumstances surrounding my life right now to be altered, and I could wish that absolutely everything in my life wouldn't be in a time of transition, though it is teaching me to live boldly and to not be so afraid of change as I usually am.
At several people's recommendation I have bought the book, "The Barbarian Way." It speaks about the need to get away from the confines of civilization and the box that our fears and our taking on of concerns for the world have put on us. And I am so guilty of this, its like I think that I can control a situation by worrying about it, or that I will suddenly discover some grand solution to whatever problem is pleaguing me. I need to reconcile myself that only God can solve the difficult things that happen to us, and that worrying accomplishes nothing. And quite honestly, sometimes there is no solution. Not that God can't work miracles, but sometimes the solution that in the end is best is for us to walk through the pain, and by leaning on Him we can come out the other side stronger.
Another book that I'm in the midst of is, "The Primal Wound," a book about adoption by Nancy Newton Verrier said something about this idea of unsatisfying solutions that really struck me, "Because the solutions may not be simple, ideal, or without sacrifice, I anticipate a great deal of resistance to the ideas...." and thats what I really want, I want to be able to say something to my friends who come to me with tears in their eyes because of something that has happened to them, I want to have some simple words of wisdom and comfort for people that I know who are running away from their pain, but at the same time fleeing from really living, some action that will be able to heal past wounds that are rubbed raw with remeberance, but I can't and it breaks my heart.
My father says that I need to grow stronger, to harden my heart so that the things that happen to others and that they do to me won't hurt me as much, and that I just have to reconcile myself to the pain and that people will continually hurt each other. But I can't learn to accept this! He says that all that I can do is to try to be the best person possible and to not be guilty of letting my own pain cause me to hurt others and be there for my friends when they are in pain, but how can that be all? This is not to be tolerated! I refuse to let myself be reconciled to this- I will not live with this incapacitating comprimise! People who I've mentioned this to have laughed at me, they say "when you discover what more you can do, the you let me know, because I'd love to do it too." They also say that working with the youth is a step in the right direction, helping further generations and showing them love, but so often I feel like I'm bailing out the Titanic with a spoon in my efforts to rid them of this influx of poisoned water into their lives. People also say that I can do this with my writing, but my restless heart wants more. Maybe it really is what I was saying before, there are no easy solutions.
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