I always do this. I way overthink things. Its just my analytical side that pops out at opportune or inopportune moments. people tell me not to- but how do you not do something that is so intrinsic to who you are? And do i really want to? Sometimes i feel like a square peg in a round hole, like today, but is there something that is really wrong with that? In an Art and Architecture class that I once took my prof showed us some pictures of this old colonial building, and how the walls were falling apart, the siding fallen off, there were no floors or stairs, and in general, you'd think that the building would fall over with the next breath of a breeze, but then our prof showed us a slide of this one joint, connecting a rafter to a support joist, and where someone had taken the time to jam this square peg into a round hole. He said that often these pegs are the strongest and hardest to remove, and that later, when they were trying to tear down this building, they had a really hard time, even though it was rotting through and seemed like it should fall at the slightest breeze. I guess that really made me appreciate my peggie attributes. Because when the other, perfectly rounded pegs, the ones that fit just perfectly into the hole, have all fallen apart- be it by time, weather, or just wear and tear, or the beautiful coat of paint has faded and chipped away,what do you think you will see? A bunch of square pegs, pounded and jammed into the holes that are holding up the building.

You know- I am so full of bs. I'd like to pretend that I have perfect faith that this is true, that I am in my perfect place, and that I have been rammed in there and fit perfectly, but really I don't. I don't know that I will really be standing strong as I attest to, but I guess I just have to pray that this is because God and this world haven't finished punding me yet, and that I haven't been jammed fully into the space that I was created to fill.

and once again, I've gotten way to deep for a friday night, when most of my peers are out getting drunk- being a square peg does pay off in the hangover department though.
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"You will be secure, because there is hope." Job 11:18

I Neeed A Job

Okay, so I have a job, which is more than those electrolux people may be saying tomorrow, but my job really can't pay me enough to cover my bills. I might get a student loan, but can you do that with just 2 classes, and super easy ones at that? I don't really know, and I'd prefer not to be more in debt. Honestly, I'd rather not to have to get another job, but I have obligations to people for my money that I can't meet right now. I don't think that my father would mind if i didnt pay for my car insurance while i'm in school, but im sure that would tick my mom off, and it kind of goes against the whole principle behind my moving out- being independant. So, If any of you know of a part time job that would be good for me, please let me know. I suppose I might be able to get a job as a page at a library again, but that would only be minimum wage- eh, better than nothing. I'd be dreaming the dewey decimal system again, and be alphabetizing while I drive. "Aba, Abi, Ad, Aka, Aky Ay..." Ahhhh- drove me crazy after a while, but I was good at it, and it could be useful if I really will be in charge of the library at St. Mikes.
I just heard Daisy jump into the tub, which isn't an odd thing, but it was an interesting one when she jumped in the tub on wednesday when there was a bunch of water in it. I was just done with my shower (and my roomies hair is really thick....) so anyways, she jumps up, and i think isn't there a lot of water in the tub still? And sure enough, I hear her little nails scratch on the side and she gives a little meow, and SPLASH- falls right into the water. She tried to jump out, but her little legs could only run in place on the slippery florr of the tub. Finally, she makes it out and I wrap her in my towel. Poor, stupid little thing. She dried pretty quickly, and now her fur is nice and shiny from her bath. She stayed away from the tub for a day, and is now back to climbing all over it- my old cats would have been much more chicken about it.
We're starting another exercize challenge at work soon, and this time should be easier for me if can go to ang's place on tuesday and thursday nights to work out (gotta be done by 10 though for er, and i want csi at 9) and on saturday im going to be swimming every morning at kvcc. The weirdest thing though is that jess is going to be the lifeguard on duty during my class. Really random. I guess the class is pretty easy, which is good, since I haven't swum in an organized manner since high school and could use some warming up to get back into it. I'm looking foreward to doing it regularly, but saturday morning does kinda suck for a time. Oh well, itll get me off my butt and out of the house. Usually saturday mornings i like to stay in the cocoon of my bed and pjs, and read- mmmmm, goodbye to my one morning of sleeping in. I'm sure my body will thank me in my 40s for making some effort to keep it in good shape- that is if the SC hasn't happened by then. Oh well, gotta jet- half day of school tomorrow and I'll have all the lovely awake kids to myself all afternoon, pray for warmer weather so were not cooped up inside- please!

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Mitchell to me: "Grace says that bacon comes from a pig's butt!" ( I then had to explain where it came from- complete with a diagram on the whiteboard- chalk one up on the list of things I thought I'd never have to talk about to the kids.)

Too Long
You know, it has been truly a long time since I have blogged and I have no excuse (not that i really owe it to ya'all to blog) But people have been mocking my lack of blogging since I usually blog bunches. My one dumb excuse is that it is usually pretty freezing in our office. actually right now I'm at my parents house with the kerosene heater going (our living room is above the garage and gets pretty cold) and I have a blanket wrapped around me. annie has her comp at school for some sort of powerpoint thing, so I couldn't use it anyways. This comp is a lot slower than ours and it makes me miss our cable modem something fierce. And I dunno why, but I'm just exhausted by this week, and I really didn't do that much. something odd happened a couple days ago though. I found that a house near our apartments had burned down, and I only later found out that my father had been one of the firefighters who worked the fire. It was that day that was like 7 degrees and he said that the fire was really terrible, flames up to the trees, bad water supply and all sorts of stuff. Its weird, cause I know that he goes in and fights fire, and that he risks his life, but sometimes I forget about that he does it on sucha regular basis. If for nothing else I am thankful that I live in winchell because I have more respect for the day to day work that my father does and more comprehension of what is involved, from visiting him on a more regular basis. On the other hand, it has made me worry more, because I know what days he workd, and I can hear the engine going out of the station, and I don't really know what hes going to be facing. at least this fire was a suuround and drown, so he wouldn't be going inside the burning building, but that makes me feel guilty for the people's sake. What would I do if I suddenly lost everything? I think that I am less attached to my posessions than in the past but even still, there are so many treasures from my life- not even just monetarily that I would be so sad to lose. I am trying to pare down what I have though, because living in close quarters with two other women who also havea lot of stuff has made me realize just how much I have that I really don't need. I should be going- my father's going to show me some pictures on the comp of the very fire I was talking about. I'll try to be more regular in my blogging. See Ya'all around.

QuoteRichard Baxter Church History of the Government of Bishops
"I am of that Party which is against al Parties: If the name CHRISTIAN is not enough, call me a CATHOLICK CHRISTIAN; not as that word signifieth an hereticating majority of Bishops, but as it signifieth one that hath no Religion, but that which by Christ and the Apostles was left to the Catholick Church, or the Body of Jesus Christ on Earth." (1680)