This is just a reminder to me of things I am going to blog about:

Tolkein's commentary on WW2 era England in LOTR

Millish Concert

movies

postsecret.com article in kzoo gazette

tim+ school

http://www.everypoet.com/archive/poetry/Edna_St_Vincent_Millay/edna_st_vincent_millay_sonnet_1.htm

spoons

wine and harvest festival

Primal Wound+ other philosphy issues

Movie Recommendations:

From time to time I watch some pretty crappy movies, ones that I anticipate seeing, but then are dissapointed in because- the trailer showed all the good parts, the movie was too predictable, it was partonizing to the intelligance of the viewers, there is no creativity in storytelling either by dialogue, soundtrack, or editing. (Okay, so I'm a little bit more particular than most.) But I have been recently blessed by a plethora of good cinema, and I thought that I'd give you my impressions and recommendations on a few.

1. Waking Ned Divine- A sweet little comedy with no great villan, no gore, just some old man butt. But if you've seen the trailer then you'd know that much. It would be worthwhile if only for the scenery and the soundtrack, but the story of friendship and the really great ensemble cast combined to make it one of my new favorites. Whats that classic phrase? "I laughed, I cried..." Very true here. Briefly- Ned Divine wins the lotto, and then drops dead from the shock of it, and his small-town friends decided to claim the prize and share it out amongst the entirety of the 52 members of the community. There are no big name actors, but all good actors. The final scene made me cry- which, if you've read my blog isn't that hard lately, but still it moved me. Its rare to have a movie where the main theme of it is one of frienship and loyalty without it sounding preachy, but they accomplish it very well.

2. Crash- You've probably heard about this movie, but I haven't talked to that many people who've seen it. In contrast to Waking Ned... this one is filled with big name actors. Don Cheadle, Sandra Bullock, Matt Dillon, Brendan Frasier, and Thandie Newton among many others. This movie- in case you somehow haven't already heard- discussed the idea of prejudice, and that we all enter every situation with some sort of presupposition, no matter if we protest to the contrary. It is a great film because none of the actors are clearly labelled HERO or VILLAN, but are portayed as real and faulted and whole people. Its one of those movies where you can sense a depth of history to each character, whether it is explicitly spoken of in the movie or not. Each character is "crashed" into several others during the course of the film in a semi- 6 Degrees of Separation/ Kevin Bacon Game framework, and you as the viewer know where each is coming from (most of the time) but the characters make judgements that are often innacruate and based upon stereotypes. You do not know who will come out at the end sadder but wiser, who will rise above their circumstances and leave their past misjudgements aside, and who will be dead. Roger Ebert has a quite exellent review of this movie on his website rogerebert.com and can probably give insights that I cannot in this brief synopsis, but I wanted to mention that I agree with his judgement of the movie as telling parables rather than a purely realistic story. This would be a great movie to watch with a group of people and then discuss, even a group of mature high schoolers, though it does have some sexual content, but this is done to further storytelling and elucidate stereotypes, rather than for titillation.

I have a couple more that I want to mention, but I went on a little lonmger than I intended there (is anyone surprised?) and I should be studying Greek or Philosophy. But for some reason people have been asking me lately what my favorite movie of all time is, and it changes regularly, but I think I've finally come up with an answer. Its not my Favorite Movie When I've Had a Crappy Day, its not my favorite Twisted Dark Comedy, its not my favorite Cheesy Kids Movie That I Watch When No One Else is Around, or Favorite WW2 Movie or any of the other categories that I have to create to choose my favorite, but for ultimate movie experience, I'm going with To Kill A Mockingbird. Great book, great storytelling, great dialogue, greatest movie hero of all time- Atticus Finch. (I actually wrote a paper on him being a great hero in high school and then several years later the American Film Institute agreed with me in their 100 Greatest Heros and Villans List.) It also has one of the truly great pieces of dialogue ever written. Just after Atticus has lost the case shown in the book and movie, and the respect of many of the white community, we see African American Reverend Sykes say to Atticus's daughter as he passes below the balcony they are segregated in: "Miss Jean Louise, stand up. Your father's passin'." Even now I have shivers up my back, and tears stinging the back of my eyes. The dignity, the respect, and the simplicity of this statement encompasses not only the struggle of the African American Community in this movie, but is a perfect expression of who Atticus Finch is in his heart and soul. If someone had to come up with one line, if one thing has been said to you, or about you that irrevocably is you- what would that line be? Would you like it?

My following post should probably be read first.

I am irrepressably drawn to the area just south of the island. There is a small wine vineyard connected to a corn field, and I have always felt a connection to this area, especially at this time of year when the smells of burning leaves and the juices bursting forth from swollen purple grapes mixes with the damp earth. I find myself rejoicing in being home after a long day in the Gommorrah of WMU. I have stoof there and watched the perfect aztec blanket sunset framing a small sliver of a moon paired with the evening star just appearing and raised my arms to God and to the sky, finally knowing what Millay meant in the words "O World, I cannot hold thee close enough." I knew that living in my coffin of an apartment had stunted my primal health, and that I could not stand to only be able to look out of one side of the building- and that view was of a parking lot. And yet I didn't have full comprehension of how much the lack of nature- loss of the vineyard, the sky the field, the lake had affected me until I came back to Treasure Island. I am awed once again by the many moods of the lake, by the rhythmic waves blurring the image of the image of the moon on the water. By the splash of a fish catching an early morning meal, the way that one side of the lake can be shrouded by clouds overhead, and the other side relfecting steely gray and gold in the sunlight. I know I sound rather pompous here, but I cannot seem to hold my spirit in check when the skys open up with rain, and yet is still warm enough to be outside enjoying it. How blessed are we to live in a state where we get to ecperience so many facets of who God is, byut getting to see how He has created the seasons. If a painting is at its core an expression of the artist, then are we not given afuller picture of the love and creativity of our Lord than even California or other so-called paradises? Just a thought, and one that I'm sure will ebb around January when I am unearthing my car from mounds of snow for the 36th time.



Poetry of Edna St. Vincent MillayRenascence
God's World
O world, I cannot hold thee close enough!
Thy winds, thy wide grey skies!
Thy mists, that roll and rise!
Thy woods, this autumn day, that ache and sag
And all but cry with colour! That gaunt crag
To crush! To lift the lean of that black bluff!
World, World, I cannot get thee close enough!

Long have I known a glory in it all,
But never knew I this;
Here such a passion is
As stretcheth me apart, -- Lord, I do fear
Thou'st made the world too beautiful this year;
My soul is all but out of me, -- let fall
No burning leaf; prithee, let no bird call.

http://www.everypoet.com/archive/poetry/Edna_St_Vincent_Millay/edna_st_vincent_millay_gods_world.htm

They Were There Again Today

I thought that they had flown south, fleeing the harsh and cooling climate of Michigan, and yet there they were in the cool gray of the early evening, their long gray necks extended as they hesitantly looked at my intrusion upon their foraging. I do not heed the promting to leave that is given to me in the form of cool raindrops.

I'm sure in their primitive minds they recognized me, that woman who has followed them out into the fallow field, as they look for small kernels of corn that lay forgotten in the lined and stalk-stubbled ground. The three of them. I want to get closer, to see their three red-capped heads- I am inescapably drawn to the unusual, to the wildness of it. This time I carry my camera with me. I passed them by earlier, and quickly raced home in anticipation of creating some tangible proof that I had really seen them, really noticed them there, in a place so easily passed by people in their cars on the way to or from the important things of life. Some even hesitate withing the fortresses of their vehicles to see if they can find what I am so engrossed in, but quickly pass on by. A T-Shirt would have done the deed "I Walked With Sandhill Cranes" emblazoned across my chest as a small show that I noticed. That all of my protestations for being a person who sees the things that others cannot was not just mere assertion, but fact. That I have lived and seen, and done, and know things that others do not. In lieu of a Walt Disneyesque souvenier, what is captured through the long range lens of my camera and two gray-brown feathers will have to suffice. My telephotographic vision allows me to be that much closer, and yet still I long for more- to gain acess by my proximity to their wildness some of that selfsame purity. The antithesis of this world.

And yet I, by the posession of this camera, by my need for artificial means of claiming the primal, I am anathema to them. They know that I have come to steal their souls, and they only let me get so close before fleeing. We have done this dance before; I tread ever closer, and the trio move away, slowly at first, and then finally take to the air in the ultimate expression of their freedom. This time they leave me silently, save for the sound of their wet wings beating in the rain soaked twilight. Before I have beeen given their umistakable protesting cry, somewhere between a clarinet being played in standing water, and a metal table leg being dragged over ancient linoleum. Is this some small measure of acceptance, or a resignation to the world's intrusion on their peace and solitude? I watch their sillouettes eventually fade and dissapear, and then I give in to the urgings brought on by my rain clouded glasses and damp skin, and make my way to my own car, and home to the creature comforts that sheild me, and at the same time chain me.

I've ODed on Caedmon's Call about 4 months ago, and I took a little break, but then today I was thinking about some lyrics from them, and I went online and was looking at many of my favorite songs from the past, and their power and truth once again impacted me. Its funny how life is so cyclical. Things that can mean something to us fade away over time, but then something always brings us back to those things that are really true, and that really mena something to us. I'll try not to overwhelm my blog with their lyrics in the coming days though- I know that they may not mean the same thing to others as they do to me, but I couldn't resist putting up a few (and I know already that more will follow)

http://www.allthelyrics.com/lyrics/caedmons_call/


Caedmon's Call-
The Emptiest Day

They say You live in hospitals and trenches
And towers in the sky
And I'm not dying or fighting any wars
Except on the inside
The only thing I need is a void that You can fill
And I jump ship and run even further in Your will
And I am looking for the well that won't run dry
The rest that weary thoughts cannot deny
When You wrap Your arms around me
I can walk away or face the emptiest day
The words I find impossible to mention
Are written on a star
They say that I can find You in a flower
But I need You in the car
The optimism of my youth is dead and gone
But I'll save these speculations for another time and song
And life is only perceived through chemicals and emotion
But love, love is the island that overgrows the ocean

Caedmon's Call-
Petrified Heart


This old heart's been left
Out on my sleeve
And I have paid as it's been rent
Into pieces
Seems everyone I've loved has
Taken a bit of my insides
I'm scattered as the woman whose body
Was torn for the twelve tribes
When did my heart get so petrified
When did it get so hard to feel
When did my heart get so afraid to love
When did it get so hard

And the easy-living Gnostic proud
Use their knowledge Like a wreking ball to tear me down
Flooding me with their fallacies

I can't walk on this water
I'm starting to drown
Strike this rock with your rod I'll take the blows
Till Your living water begins to flow
As it flowed from the Man of Sorrows' side
Was torn for the twelve tribes

This is how I've felt at times, as though everyone that I interact with has taken a bit of my insides and used me up. I pray that I will have a renewed heart, that we each will have this, your my friends who have been beaten down by the ever-rising cost of living.

WMU

I noticed that earlier I wrote that I'd write about Greek and why it is kicking my butt, but I have been too busy studying for it to write much- which I think answers the question. It has been really labor intensive, which I think is good for me, becuase usually I can coast along without that much effort, but this class has really made me work my tail off. We are already reading paragraphs and learning about Dicaeopoliis and his slave Xanthias, and their struggles on their farm with tous bous and the lithon. (The oxen and the stone.) One ironic thing, which I don't remember if I mentioned is that one of my fellow students in Greek is my Prof. for Philosophy of Public Affairs. Weirdness.

A long time ago I think I said that my life seems to have themes of things that God is trying to teach me. When I mentioned this before I think it was patience that I was having to learn. Now my patience is being put to good use, and I am learning to ask myself What do I believe? And why do I believe what I believe? I am guarding against a trend that I am seeing more and more, or living within the confines of conformity- whether for safety sake, or merely because I haven't bothered to question some things that so many others have attested to be true. One thing that has gotten me questioning this stuff has been reading "Skipping Toward Gommorrah" by Dan Savage. The book is decidedly NOT a Christian book and some portions of it are rather blunt and a trifle graphic. It is good though to see what the oppostion has to say about certain issues and about some of the truly stupid things that we say and do as Christians. The book is formatted as a celebration of the 7 Deadly Sins, and the author tries to commit each sin and discover why people do it, and why they shouldn't be condemned for this. An odd idea, but one that is effective in opening my eyes to many of the people who are so blithely denounced by our culture, who are still good people and seeking to pursue happiness how they choose. There are a number of issues that this has raised for me, but it is getting late, and I still have more Greek to study, Primal Wound to read, and a full rest of the week to make it through.

Ever since I almost took the job up at Mystic Lake I have been investigating camps and emailing them about what they have done to devlop their experiential education programs. I have always wanted to work at a camp and I hava also wanted to work in edication, but not at a traditional school or anything like that. I am trying to live bolder and look out of the box (this sounds really dorky, but I'm not in the mood, nor do I think this post warrants the certain poetic nature that I sometimes slip into) Anwyays, I'm trying to be bold and brave, but when I want to get into the outdoors and out of my sterotype of myself, and so what is the first thing that I think of? I need a book about this. How prosaic can I get? Emailing people at different camps has allowed me to really increase my knowledge and I have been able to talk to some really great people. I've had many, many offers to correspond via email and get advice, encouragement that it is wise of me to try to learn all that I can, many offers for me to come and visit and shadow them while they work, and about 3 offers to apply for jobs. Its funny that they have offered this when I have been very clear that I have no experience, and am still entangled at school.

Short Man Syndrome

So, today on the way home from my lab tonight I heard something on the radio that made me shout out, and then start laughing hysterically, and then really made me think. It was a commercial fro "Grow Max" and no this isn't a pill that is a cousin of Viagra, it has been created with the prupose of helping men 15-25 grow taller. I've joked with friends about guys and "short man's syndrome" and now they are actually making a pill for it. At first I laughed because I thought, Its about time for men to feel somewhat of the body image exploitation that we women face on a daily basis from the health industry, clothing, media, cosmetics, and others opinions. And then it struck me- I was actually wishing for my brothers to have to suffer the same insecurities and inadequacies- I was wishing for them to suffer emotional pain. How easily Stan creeps in once again.

This is outrageous- I found out that if you buy gas with your debit card lately, that due to high gas prices some gas stations have been putting a 75$ hold on your account becuase it takes three days sometimes for the transaction to go through, and since they have to approve your account beforehand, they are taking more to make sure you have it all. I saw this on the news, and it was a workingclass family that was getting gas on the Labor Day weekend, so they couldn't buy food for their kids an extra day because of banks being closed and their account said it was overdrawn even though it shouldn't have been. This is ridiculous to me, if you can't do the transaction right then, or are not willing to trust that the money is there, then you shouldn't allow ATM/Debit transactions! 75$ for gas, whats up with that?

Though I'm mopey, these things have made me smile lately:

We were listening to the oldies station at school and i was dancing around with the kids while we cleaned up from nap and quiet time and got ready for snack and the rest of the afternoon, one of my girls looked up at me with her sweet, earnest eyes and said, "Why do you like every song that come on?"

The book "My name is Ernie," is that features the ? "I bet you can't guess what my favorite color is. Give up?" The answer? "It's red! The color of red sneakers... and Bert's red underwear." It also features a picture of Bert in his red longjohns coveringhimself up in a rather effeminant pose. I'd put a copy of it here, but my parents scanner is busted right now. (Yay for dP!)

The idea of Scott, on Labor Day at the barbeque at his house, driving on his moped to the airport to pick up Jeremy, and the two of them driving home with Jeremy's wheeled suitcase trailing behind like a wagon. (I amuse myself a little too much with my active imagination)

Finding out that the song I'm always quoting improperly: "Everybody knows, that the world is full of stupid people," is by The Refreshments who also did the theme music for King of the Hill, one of my favorite twisted tv shows. Here are the real words:

"Banditos"By: The Refreshments (Roger Clyne, Brian Blush, Buddy Edwards and PH Naffah)

"Just how far down do you want to go
We can talk it out over a cup of joe
And you can look deep in my eyes,
Like I was a super-model Uh-huh

So It's just you and me baby
No one else we can trust
We'll say nothin to no one
No-how or we'll bust
And Never crack a smile or flinch or cry
For nobody Uh-uh

So give you ID card to the border guard
Your alias says you're Captain John Luc Picard
Of the United Federation of Planets
Cause they won't speak English any ways

Everybody knows
That the world is full of stupid people
So meet me at the mission at midnight
We'll divvy up there..
Everybody knows
That the world is full of stupid people
But I got the pistol
So I Keep the Pesos
That seems fair

So put the sugar in the tank of the sheriff's car
We'll slash the deputy's tires
They won't get very far
When they finally get the word that there's been a hold-up Uh-uh"

(It goes on, but repeats previous stuff)

See I told you all it was a real song!!!

http://www.viewaskew.com/newboard/messages289/1199.html

Rememberance

Today is a dy of rememberance, both for the 9/11 attacks, and for the victims of the Katrina Hurricane. I haven't said anything about this before, mostly because I felt like the images coming back from the south were too profound for me to add to what has happened. Also, things have been so confused down there, that no one comment from me could possibly sum it up or do justice to it.

Tonight I made the mistake, or the good decision to watch the show on Discovery that discussed the acts of the people on Flight 93. When I flipped the channel and saw that it was on, I immediately began sobbing at the loss and also at the feelings of joy that the family members of the people on the flight expressed that their loved ones died so that others might live, and to protect a place as vital as the Capitol Building to our nation. There is also a large group of people that are trying to create a National Memorial for flight 93. As I sat there the words that Lincoln spoke at the Gettysburg Address ran through my head:

"We are met on a great battle-field of that war. We have come to dedicate a portion of that field, as a final resting place for those who here gave their lives that that nation might live. It is altogether fitting and proper that we should do this.
But, in a larger sense, we can not dedicate -- we can not consecrate -- we can not hallow -- this ground. The brave men... who struggled here, have consecrated it, far above our poor power to add or detract. "

There is so much pain in the world right now, so many hurting people reaching out for help, and- in reaction to their pain- to hurt others. Why is it that so often in our search to rid ourselves of pain that we often become guilty of the very thing we are wounded by? "Live by the sword, die by the sword" I guess. Still this is wholly unsatisfying to me. I think the pain of others is especially poignant to me right now because with the one-year birthday of the River Satan (or Stan, as Stacie and I have nicknamed him) has been coming against just about everyone in dreadful and desperate ways. We are on the verge of so much greatness, and I think that we can really see a greater vision of what God's plan is for us as a church. Now that we have a past to connect us, we can really look to the future with renewed purpose. There is no longer any part of the year that we are inexperienced with. Soon the "second annual" whatevers will begin, and Stan is so deviously trying to pollute all of the good that is happening.

I think that this is the way that Stan works, this decepetion of the good for the bad, this this bleeding in of destruction into our hopes and dreams. I know that right now in my own life, like the family of the passengers of Flight 93 my sorrow is interwoven with my joy. I am having one of the greatest times of personal growth of my life, but at the same time, I have the greatest sorrow in my heart that I have ever known. Maybe this is really just part of living more, I don't think that I could come alive to life the way that I am and be able to ask for only the greater joy, for that is not really living. I could most assuredly ask for some of the difficult and sad circumstances surrounding my life right now to be altered, and I could wish that absolutely everything in my life wouldn't be in a time of transition, though it is teaching me to live boldly and to not be so afraid of change as I usually am.

At several people's recommendation I have bought the book, "The Barbarian Way." It speaks about the need to get away from the confines of civilization and the box that our fears and our taking on of concerns for the world have put on us. And I am so guilty of this, its like I think that I can control a situation by worrying about it, or that I will suddenly discover some grand solution to whatever problem is pleaguing me. I need to reconcile myself that only God can solve the difficult things that happen to us, and that worrying accomplishes nothing. And quite honestly, sometimes there is no solution. Not that God can't work miracles, but sometimes the solution that in the end is best is for us to walk through the pain, and by leaning on Him we can come out the other side stronger.

Another book that I'm in the midst of is, "The Primal Wound," a book about adoption by Nancy Newton Verrier said something about this idea of unsatisfying solutions that really struck me, "Because the solutions may not be simple, ideal, or without sacrifice, I anticipate a great deal of resistance to the ideas...." and thats what I really want, I want to be able to say something to my friends who come to me with tears in their eyes because of something that has happened to them, I want to have some simple words of wisdom and comfort for people that I know who are running away from their pain, but at the same time fleeing from really living, some action that will be able to heal past wounds that are rubbed raw with remeberance, but I can't and it breaks my heart.

My father says that I need to grow stronger, to harden my heart so that the things that happen to others and that they do to me won't hurt me as much, and that I just have to reconcile myself to the pain and that people will continually hurt each other. But I can't learn to accept this! He says that all that I can do is to try to be the best person possible and to not be guilty of letting my own pain cause me to hurt others and be there for my friends when they are in pain, but how can that be all? This is not to be tolerated! I refuse to let myself be reconciled to this- I will not live with this incapacitating comprimise! People who I've mentioned this to have laughed at me, they say "when you discover what more you can do, the you let me know, because I'd love to do it too." They also say that working with the youth is a step in the right direction, helping further generations and showing them love, but so often I feel like I'm bailing out the Titanic with a spoon in my efforts to rid them of this influx of poisoned water into their lives. People also say that I can do this with my writing, but my restless heart wants more. Maybe it really is what I was saying before, there are no easy solutions.

Montana-

My parents are officially on their way, and by now, probably in Montana on a wonderful Fly Fishing vacation, leaving yours truly here to go to school, work, and organize my crap from moving.

There is a lot of crap going on with people that I love lately and its pissing me off. I've been trying to pray for them, but I also have found myself feeling resentful towards those people and situations that are hurting them. I got this email from Leanne about trusting in God, and the way that he can provide before we even ask, or at least that He can prompt someone to act in a way that will help us long before we even have the need.

"Before they call, I willanswer" (Isaiah 65:24)

Its supposed to be a chain mail letter, but I hate sending those and I usually automatically delete them, but the prayer really struck me, and is something that I do want to do a better job of praying for my friends and family- and I should also include even those who are NOT a loved one, for I have also been learning about the principle of praying for my enemies and those who persecute me. So, I hope that if you read this prayer that you too will take up the challenge inherant in it.

Father, I ask you tobless my friendsreading this right now. I amasking You to minister totheir spirit at this verymoment. Where there is pain,give them Your peace andmercy. Where there is selfdoubting, release a renewedconfidence to work throughthem. Where there istiredness or exhaustion, I askYou to give themunderstanding, guidance, andstrength as they learnsubmission to Your leading.Where there is spiritualstagnation, I ask You to renewthem by revealing Yournearness, and by drawingthem into greater intimacywith You. Where there is fear,reveal Your love, andrelease to them Your courage.Where there is a sin blockingthem, reveal it, andbreak its hold over myfriends' lives.Bless their finances, givethem greater vision, and raiseup leaders and friendsto support and encourage them.Give each of them discernmentto recognize theevil forces around them, andreveal to them the power theyhave in You to defeatit. I ask you to do thesethings in Jesus' name."

The email also contained a quote that illustrates something that I am trying to put into practice right now. Stacie has recommended "The Barbarian Way," a book which talks about the epidemic of conformity and passivity in American Christians. I feel like people, myself included, have gotten stuck into a rut, or looked toward ability to "act right" as a sort of counterfit holiness, as opposed to really seeking real heart transformation.

"Do not ask the Lord to guideyour footsteps if you're notwilling to move yourfeet."

I just wanted to say a big thank you (this is something I've been meaning to write for some time) to the girl who held the door to Dunbar Hall for me on the first day of classes last week at WMU. She was in a cute "First Day of College" outfit, and even held a cooler for her lunch, and she held the door to wait for me for far longer than the average Bronco would. When I finally got to the door, I gave her a big thank you, and her emphatic "Your welcome!" showed me that she had likely been holding doors for people the whole day long and had not gotten any other acknowledgements for her efforts. It also showed me her already-emerging cynicism at a day into the college process.

Don't know why really, but this commercial just really tickles me.

Narrator: So, I was in the store the other day and I said to the grocer, "Do you have oranges in any other variety? Maybe acadmium orange, or burnt umber?"
And he said to me, "Ma'am, I have cumquats."
I said, "Sir, don't mock me."

~A commercial for a color printer.

My pet peeve rises again!

I just deleted three comments that were left on my blog by people that were really hidden advertisements for things like a website selling flowers and student health insurance. Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr.

When I was 19 I...

Since I've movied into my parents house, I've decided that I have way too much stuff in my life, and that it is weighing me down, so I have started going through everything and throwing some of it out, designating some of it for a garage sale and just sorting out what I really need to bring everywhere with me ad what can be stored for a while.

While I've been looking through my stuff, I found a journal of mine from when I was 19, and I just found it interesting a lot of the stuff that I wrote that is still a struggle for me, and to see the areas where I have really changed. My writing also contains some rather cheesy poetry, and I thought that I would post it here for your edificatio n and amusement.

9/29- What do I want to do with my life, not conceptually, but actually- what do I want to do:

1. Climb a mountain
2. See the Aurora Borealis
3. Live in a primitive cabin for a time
4. Go backpacking for an extended time in the wilderness
5. See a Broadway Play on Broadway
6. Go to Europe
7. Go to Scotland
8. Ge married
9. Write a book
10. Go to Jerusalem
11. Learn Greek
12. Cruise the Inner-Coastal Highway
13. Go scuba diving
14. Go to the Bahamas
15. Learn photography
16. Paint a mural
17. swim under a waterfall
18. Go around the world
19. Go on a cruise
20. Become proficient at arts and crafts of some sort
21. Visti all 50 states
22. Adopt a child
23. Do something truly spontaneous
24. Go on an international mission trip
25. Do something patriotic
26. Bring hope to someone hopeless
27. Own a cat, dog, fish, bird, hamster, lizard
28. Fly a plane
29. Learn to waltz and tango and swing dance

*Note- some of these I have done now (yay for me!) some I don't really feel as passionte about anymore, and others are little embarrasing that they are listed as life goals. And, of course, now I have some new ones to add too, but that is for another post.

Poetry

The newspapers
magazines and TV
tell me what I need
to be in this world- the
proverbial "Cover Girl"
All glamour and glitz and
cosmetic surgery.
Where is the place for me
to be who God wants me to be?
The woman of Proverbs
not of MTV.
Each day I sell myself for
far less
than my "Greater Than" price,
selling for a compliment what
it took Pure Blood to buy.
I strive and I beg for
someone to notice me, while
ignoring the All Knowing
because I'm afriad that
He knows the real me.


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
10/26

What if I'm not worth
the price that He paid?
What if I fail Him again?
70 times seven is looking
pretty close.


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

God, I want to be a genius
To have the masses
stand in awe.
For just one standing ovation
For my chance to shine.
I'm hungry for life
I'm hungry for love
Hungry enough to sell your love,
like Esau
For one simple meal.
But thats not good enough for You
You gave too much for me
to pay You back with
distaste and despise the place You
have prepared for me.
I think of too much to learn
Too many people to fail.
The path of my life is too rough a trail.
Then I remember Your quiet waters-
And that I'm never alone,
You will guide me and
carry me to my one true Home.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I'm up late once again
Waiting for revelation to strike
Hoping for Browning,
my- "Sonnets From the Portuguese."
Mourning my lack of talent.
I have nothing to reveal.
I have nothing original.
Nothing ME.
Where have I been?
Is there really nothing to say?
Observation may bring wisdom, and yet I still
have nothing to say.
No hard earned truth to reveal.
No secrets to change your life.
And yet sleep does not come- only meaningless rhymes.
I make no sense and still I write
I cannot seem to stop, for this is my life,
and if I stop the what has been the point-
of all my pensive stares,
my search to learn from others mistakes?
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"Rocky Soil" Mark 4:3-25

My brother was stolen from
Darkness
Pulled into the light by the love of a girl
Who had no use for a former
Bad Boy
Now seeking a meaning and purpose
To be worthy of her love- worthy of His love.
Quick blooming- quick fading
an "ashes to ashes" faith
By spring like her it was gone.
I should have dug him in
Nestled in the fertile ground of You,
Now I know with 20/20 truth
All of the should have dones,
to secure this newborn fruit,
from dying while
being Born Again.

I'll post more about this later- because of the late hour- but may I just say Ancient Greek is kicking my butt, but on the whole, it really kicks ass!